I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
zippers are such a cool invention
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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