The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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