Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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