we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
