Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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