who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
