does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
