I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
