Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
