at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
