apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Say something about gay babies.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
