shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
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