my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
