im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
