based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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