i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
