i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
 go to hell.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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