whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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