I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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