No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
