You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
