He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
