We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
