Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
