Kiss
Puke
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
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