now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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