Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just pee around me
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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