Well apparently he's into motor boating.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
