is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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