she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Gay?
German.
Pity.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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