I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
