Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize