i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Mom said you looked used
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
