my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
