I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
