peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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