I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
