my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I wish they made helmets for livers.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The dick lei will go down in squad history
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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