we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
God I need to hump something, right now.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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