guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
