I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
