And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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