I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just found puke in my bra..
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
