Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
