Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
