is your mom at the bar?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
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