How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
