I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize