My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
