I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
