Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
