I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
