Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
