Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
