im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
