She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
