went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
