I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Well I just put wine in my tea
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
