i'm signing you up for texting rehab
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I party with great urgency now.
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