I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
