I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She bit a glass in half.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
