I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
