maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
