im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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