I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
