im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
