Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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