HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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