Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
