The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
