i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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