Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
