College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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